I am here to assuage your guilt for falling behind on Sandbox Radio Live, because the sad fact is I too have been slacking. Of course, in my defense, I have caught every single show live in the theatre, just as you can and should catch the upcoming Episode 9: The Naked Truth on Monday, July 29 at West of Lenin in Fremont (tickets available here). I also usually listen to the podcast recording of each show as soon as it comes out. This time, however, between SOAPFest and vacation, I only got around to it yesterday. It’s brilliant; stocked full of goodies like:
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Susan Corzatte, my recent SOAPFest cast-mate, reading poems by Dorothy Parker.
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Another episode of “Cousin Katie” by Scot Augustson (featuring special guests Cliff Mass and Nancy Pearl! Favorite book recommendation: “Try The Pussy Brushers of Bristol”.)
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Another all new super-fun, super-hard-rocking blues original from Charles Leggett. Listen to the tart, exquisite interactions of lead and back-up singers.
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Then of course there’s my latest Markheim episode. Read along with the script below the fold. (Didge has joined the Seattle Super Hero scene, and Markheim’s realizing that the renegade clockwork’s more complex that he first thought.)
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And absolutely do not miss, my very favorite of all these favorites, Wayne Rawley’s blast from everyone’s middle school past, “Portable 5 & the First Day of the Rest of Our Lives”.
Get your tix for the upcoming live show!
And get caught up on the amazing original awesome sauce that is Sandbox Radio Live!
MARKHEIM – Episode 8
by Paul Mullin
Introduction
VOICE: I’m a Markheim. A sort of angel. But not the sort with wings and a harp and a halo. Markheims are the black ops. We do things other angels can’t... or won’t. Me, I’m a talker, Sub-archy: reverse curse. Upstairs pulled me outta retirement for a mission down in this soggy town. But when it was done I didn’t go back. I had questions. And the answers weren’t up above in the Fix. Now I’m walking neutral, half-fallen, in what we angels call the Show. But I gotta watch my back. ‘Cuz things can always get uglier.
EMCEE: Previously, on MARKHEIM...
[sfx: Harbor Steps fountain]
DIDGE: I gotta get some relief. My hand is roasting.
MARKHEIM: Meat, you’ve been blessed.
DIDGE: Blessed. How you figger?
MARKHEIM: You got a dose of the Holy Fire in that hand. So long as it stays attached you ain’t never gonna die.
[sfx: sounds of a hospital room.]
MARKHEIM: I heard you cut off your glowing hand but then they sewed it back on. Stank said it doesn’t burn any more.
DIDGE: No, it still burns. But now it’s so... beautiful, crisp. I’m not worthy of this pain. But Veronica says no one deserves it more
MARKHEIM: Who’s Veronica?
[sfx: The Sound Garden]
MARKHEIM: Hello, Black Francis.
BLACK FRANCIS: Hiya, Mark. I love you.
MARKHEIM: He’s talking.
LIV: So?
MARKHEIM: This is a dream. Angels don’t dream.
LIV: Maybe things are changing.
MARKHEIM: Change ain’t always good.
LIV: Never said it was.
[sfx: Harbor Steps fountain]
SAM: Run down this theory of yours and get back to me with anything you find.
MARKHEIM: What about my neutrality?
SAM: You’re here at my pleasure, Markheim. Which it ain’t exactly been, I gotta tell ya, since you got here. Your rent on sitting neutral just went up: information, payable to whomever the fuck I send to collect it. There are too many god-damned angels down here. From now on we see ‘em, we smoke ‘em. That’s my new rule. You can pass it along. Things can always get uglier.
[sfx: bass riff]
EMCEE: And now, Episode 8 of MARKHEIM, by Paul Mullin.
Transition 1
VOICE: So Sam says now I gotta pay rent in answers, and all I got is questions. Like who helped Didge sew his holy hand back on? And why?
Scene 1
[Sounds of Westlake Park “soapbox”]
LEADER (through a megaphone): Listen up, y’all. We got a brand new somebody on the Seattle superhero scene. Give it up!
(Enthusiastic crowd sounds.
The voices fade as Markheim crosses to the North side of the park.)
MARKHEIM: I want my dog back, Stank.
STANK: Liv’s dog, Mark. And fuck you.
MARKHEIM: Is that Didge up there?
STANK: He doesn’t go by “Didge” anymore.
MARKHEIM: That’s some get up he’s got on.
STANK: That’s his superhero gear.
MARKHEIM: And that thing on his face?
STANK: His mask. He made it from his hair.
MARKHEIM: Charming.
DIDGE (over the bullhorn): Many of you knew me by my street name. But I’m wanna tell you today “Didge” is dead. This is someone new. Someone stronger. In the bible the greatest hero was a man with long hair named Samson. He was invincible.
MARKHEIM: Kid needs to read that book a bit more closely.
DIDGE (over the bullhorn): In New York City, there was a serial killer called Son of Sam. His avenging spirit lives on.
CROWD MEMBER: Righteous. You’re a killer!
DIDGE (over the bullhorn): No. I am worse than a killer. I am that which cannot be killed. I am Samson and Son of Sam. And Seattle doesn’t need to be afraid of the dark or the light any more.
MARKHEIM: “Son of Sam.” He better watch who he summons.
STANK: Why don’t you shut the fuck up and listen to the man speak?
MARKHEIM: What were you doing at that workshop in Georgetown, Stank?
STANK: What?
DIDGE (over the bullhorn): See this hand? I cut it off when I was lost in fear.
MARKHEIM: You just happened to be there?
STANK: I’m his friend, Mark.
DIDGE (over the bullhorn): But now I’m found. And with this holy hand I am here to avenge all the shit smeared on the people of Seattle’s streets.
MARKHEIM: Seems weird to me. You being right there to call 911, make sure he got his hand sewn back on right away.
STANK: It’s was damned lucky.
MARKHEIM: Almost blessed, you might say.
DIDGE (over the bullhorn): This hand is an immortal force the world must reckon with.
MARKHEIM: Who you working for Stank?
STANK: I’m between jobs, Markie.
MARKHEIM: Upstairs? Downstairs?
STANK: I try and stay away from stairs, lately. What with those street kids getting burned?
MARKHEIM: I got rid of the burner.
DIDGE (over the bullhorn): We will teach our twisted speech to the young believers.
CROWD MEMBER: Righteous, yo! That’s the Clash.
DIDGE (over the bullhorn): I am the Clash. And you are the Clash. And the Clash is coming. We are all sons of Sam. But I am his first born.
MARKHEIM: You a meat walker, Stank? A Power? I’ve never known any other kind of angel willing to walk the meat but a lousy fix cop pow.
STANK: You need help, Markheim. You’re talking gibberish.
MARKHEIM: May be. But you just called me Markheim. You always call me Mark.
STANK: So what, Markheim? Things change.
MARKHEIM: Change ain’t always good.
STANK: Never said it was. But it does seem inevitable.
MARKHEIM: If you’re meat-walking, Pow, Sam’s gonna smoke you. I got that from his mouth. He’s smoking everything that moves Show-side from the Fix in Seattle.
STANK: I’m just a juggalo.
MARKHEIM: Yeah?
STANK: Yeah. (begins singing) And everywhere I go, people know the part I’m playing. (Stank snickers at his own “cleverness”.)
MARKHEIM: Yeah. I’ll crack your clockwork, Stank. Don’t worry. And I’ll get the dog back,too. Believe it.
STANK: I tell you what I believe, Markheim.
MARKHEIM: What’s that?
STANK: Things are getting uglier. Donchya think?
Transition 2
VOICE: So Stank ain’t what he seems. And Didge is playing dress up and throwing Sam’s name around like he doesn’t know what that can bring. Someone’s making a move. But who?
Sam told me not to bother with the Angel of Truth. No way she’s involved, he said; and I tend to agree, but then hta’ts all the more reason to reach out. She’ll be safe, right?
Safe or not. I need a lead.
I head over to where I last caught a whiff of the Fix.
Scene 2
(Sounds of Pike Place Fish Market.)
FISH MONGER: Dee Jay!
FISH THROWER CHORUS: Dee jay!
ALL: Heeeey Ya!
FISH MONGER: One more.
FISH THROWER CHORUS: One more
ALL: Heeeey YA!
FISH MONGER: What can I get ya, pal?
MARKHEIM (shouting over the din): Sar Iophiel!
FISH MONGER: What sort of fish is that?
MARKHEIM: Not a fish. The Arch Angel of Truth. Your boss’s boss, I figger.
FISH MONGER: Take a hike, pal. We sell fish.
MARKHEIM: I know the Seattle Throne works out of this fish stand. That makes at least one of you a Pow. Get word to Sar Iophiel there’s a Markheim looking for her in Seattle.
FISH MONGER: I’m a pow, am I?
MARKHEIM: Maybe.
FISH MONGER: Hey, I’m a pow. (fishcalling) 1 pound pow!
ALL: One pound pow! Heeeeey YA!
(Sound of a smack. Then another world humming.)
Transition 3
VOICE: When the fish hits my face I see the Fix for an instant, full blinding light and brutal bliss. And then someone’s pulling me down some stairs.
Scene 3
(Sounds of steps on concrete stairs.)
POW: Dude, I am so sorry. I was supposed to catch that, but Tommy threw it wide.
MARKHEIM: Is Tommy the throne?
POW: Dude, what throne? How hard did you get hit? Let’s get you down to Western. Some fresh air and all.
MARKHEIM: You’re not an angel?
POW: Only my girlfriend thinks so, Dude, and then only sometimes, right?
MARKHEIM: Must’ve gotten my signals crossed.
POW: Big time, Markheim.
MARKHEIM: “Markheim?”
(Sound of a smack. Then the other world humming. Markheim screaming.)
POW: You need to not come back here. This ain’t a game. This is the Show. Markheims ain’t had clearance in over a century.
MARKHEIM: I’m walking neutral.
POW: Neutral? The fuck is neutal? Like the meat singer said, you gotta serve somebody.
MARKHEIM: Tell Iophiel I need to parley.
POW: Fuck off to the Fix, Markheim, or get your soft ass blazed to the Crisp. Makes me no never mind. I ain’t no quill-pushing cherub. I’m an angelic Power authorized to smoke on sight.
MARKHEIM: So Smoke me.
[sfx: Theremin]
POW: What?
MARKHEIM: Smoke me to the Crisp, if it makes no never mind.
POW: What’s with your face? It’s—
MARKHEIM: I don’t glow.
POW: I’ve heard about how Markheims –
MARKHEIM: You don’t know shit about Markheims. Pows. You work wet like magicians work birthday parties. So show me some magic. I’m done with neutral. Smoke me.
POW: No.
MARKHEIM: No?
POW: No way.
MARKHEIM: Well, whatever you do, after you walk back up those stairs, don’t you dare get word to Iophiel I’m looking for her, got it?
POW: Got it.
MARKHEIM: And for sure as hell, don’t tell her Sam says hello?
POW: Sam?
MARKHEIM: Now do not get the hell out of here and always bother me again.
Transition 4
VOICE: I’m guardedly confident that that call will go through. Still, the Pow was right. What the hell is neutral? One long ass-kicking from Fix to Crisp.
I needed some sleep. Which is nuts, of course, ‘cuz as I’ve mentioned many times, angels don’t sleep, and they sure as fuck don’t dream.
Scene 3
[sfx: Harbor Steps fountain. Then a dog panting, tags jiggling.]
MARKHEIM: What the--? Is that you Black Francis?
[The dog yips a greeting.]
I know you’re not real but it’s still good to see you, buddy. But please don’t say Sam’s coming, ‘cuz I got nothing to tell him, okay? He’s gotta leave me alone until I have a lead. Beg him if you have to. I need more time.
LIV: You’re losing it, Mark.
MARKHEIM: Liv!
LIV: You’re talking to Black Francis like he’s gonna talk back.
MARKHEIM: He did the last time I saw him.
LIV: Don’t go crazy on me, man.
MARKHEIM: Wait. You’re really here.
LIV: Uh, yeah.
MARKHEIM: I’m not dreaming.
LIV: If you are then I am, too. You’re lucky I came. I’m mad at you.
MARKHEIM: Why?
LIV: You were supposed to look after Black Francis.
MARKHEIM: I did. And then he got lost when I...
LIV: Yeah?
MARKHEIM: I had to take care of something. Stank found him.
LIV: If I trusted Stank, I would’ve left him with Stank. Now I can’t even trust you.
MARKHEIM: It’s been a long time, Liv. No one thought you were coming back.
LIV: I told you I would.
MARKHEIM: What happened?
LIV: Whaddya mean?
MARKHEIM: In Eugene. Your step-father.
LIV: Oh, he’s dead.
MARKHEIM: Yeah?
LIV: Yeah. I guess he was cleaning his shotgun and it went off in his face.
MARKHEIM: Oh.
LIV: I was the only one home when it happened.
MARKHEIM: Oh.
LIV: So my little sister’s safe.
MARKHEIM: Right. And what about you?
LIV: What about me?
MARKHEIM: You back for good?
LIV: I ain’t anywhere for good, Mark. You gotta know that.
MARKHEIM: Got it.
Scene 4
(Chime sounds of a convenience store door opening.)
STOREOWNER (foreign accent): Take off that mask, you come in my store.
DIDGE: I can’t take it off, it’s my hair.
STOREOWNER: I no trust a man I no see his face.
DIDGE: You don’t need to trust me. Just sell me some juice.
STOREOWNER: You no come in here, your face covered, and no shirt on.
DIDGE: What are you gonna do? Shoot me.
STOREOWNER: Why you say that?
DIDGE: You threaten my friends all the time. The street kids? You’re always showing them your gun.
STOREOWNER: I got no gun.
DIDGE: Sure you do. Let’s see it.
STOREOWNER: You wanna see my gun?
DIDGE: Sure.
STOREOWNER: You no think I have gun.
DIDGE: I know you have a gun. I just said so.
[sfx: unsnapping or Velcro tearing open, then a pistol sliding from a holster.]
STOREOWNER: There. See? Now get outta here.
DIDGE: I ain’t leaving till I buy this juice.
STOREOWNER: You leave juice. You get out.
DIDGE: Or what? You shoot me?
STOREOWNER: I no shoot nobody.
DIDGE: Or call the cops? ‘Cuz you just pulled a gun on me for trying to buy a juice.
STOREOWNER: You get outta here.
DIDGE: Or?
STOREOWNER: I go like this—
[Sound of round being racked into chamber]
— and bullet goes in chamber ready to shoot.
DIDGE: Fabulous.
STOREOWNER: Go.
DIDGE: Let me see that.
STOREOWNER: You no touch. Get away.
DIDGE: Or what? Let me see your precious gun.
STOREOWNER: Stay away.
DIDGE: Here.
[sfx: Gun shot.]
Oh, so you did have it in you?
STOREOWNER: Holy god!
DIDGE: No, it’s just me: Sam’s Son. Give me that.
[Gun shot, twice.]
DIDGE: It’s no use. You could do it all day. These bullets just melt in me like butter. Yum!
Now give me.
[sfx: struggle for the gun]
You like guns so much, why don’t you eat it?
STOREOWNER: What?
DIDGE: It’s delicious. Here.
[sfx: Didge shoving the gun in the clerk’s mouth. Teeth breaking, moaning, gagging.]
There. Yummy, right? Go on, eat it.
[deep choking]
That’s right. Swallow it, you love your gun so much.
[The storeowner heaves deeply through his nose, then silence.]
Shit.
Shit. Veronica? VERONICA!? I was just feeding him his gun and he... and he....
VERONICA: Oh, Sam’s Son.
DIDGE: What do I do?
[sfx: theramin, but somehow a different signature from Markheim’s]
VERONICA: Oh, my baby child. It’s all right. I’m here now and I’ll make it good. Just go. The cops are coming and we don’t want you facing them yet, do we?
DIDGE: No.
VERONICA: Not yet, my sweet darkling. You’re Sam’s Son. Son of Sam. And your day will come.
DIDGE: I love you.
VERONICA: I know.
DIDGE: You’re the one thing worth loving.
VERONICA: You just keep believing in yourself, Samson. And Veronica will wipe your tears. There’s nothing you can do that that’s wrong. And it’s all about to get more beautiful.
DIDGE: Is it?
VERONICA: Oh yes. You just keep believing.
Episode 9 Preview
EMCEE: Next time, on MARKHEIM...
[sfx: Harbor Steps fountain]
MARKHEIM: Bez, is that you? Long time no see.
BEZ: Yup. I see you made yourself at home on these steps.
MARKHEIM: Sam send you?
BEZ: Yup. Says to tell you rent’s due.
MARKHEIM: I ain’t got much. I’ve put out some feelers. It’s gonna take some patience.
BEZ: Patience ain’t exactly what Sam’s known for, and feelers ain’t exactly gonna cut it.
[sounds birds and insects buzzing, gentle breeze blowing]
SMILEY: You’re gonna get bored up here, you know that.
MARKHEIM: That’s good. Bored is safe. Bored is good.
SMILEY: You say that now.
MARKHEIM: I gotta keep my head down, Smiley, or I’m gonna wind up permanently bound in some bliss box or fried down to the Crisp.
SMILEY: None of that means anything to me.
[sounds of various Green Lake walkers passing by, bikes passing by: *ding*, “On your left”, etc. ]
MARKHEIM: Stay away from him, Liv. Just trust me on this.
LIV: Fuck you, Mark. You’re not my dad, and you’re sure as fuck not my Step-Dad.
MARKHEIM: Well, thank heavens for that.
LIV: Whatever. Didge would never bother me. Nobody bothers me.
MARKHEIM: Why? ‘Cuz you got Black Francis to protect you?
LIV: Nah, BF’s a baby. Wouldn’t hurt a flee. It’s ‘cuz I got this.
[sound of Liv flicking her butterfly knife open]
MARKHEIM: And what the hell is that?
LIV: It’s a butterfly knife. Pretty cool, hunh?
MARKHEIM: Very cool. So you’re safe from butterflies then?
LIV: Very funny.
(End of Episode.)
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