The New You Boat (Mini-Act II)

Continued from Mini- Act I

Mini-Act II
by
O.C.C.A.M.

 (The following countdown takes place in darkness.)

CAPTAIN:  Seven.

COMMANDER:  Seven.

LIEUTENANT:  Seven.

ENSIGN:  Seven.

BOSUN:  Seven.

HELMSMAN:  Seven.

SEAMAN:  Seven.

COMMANDER:  Six.

LIEUTENANT:  Six.

ENSIGN:  Six.

BOSUN:  Six.

HELMSMAN:  Six.

SEAMAN:  Six.

LIEUTENANT:  Five.

ENSIGN:  Five.

BOSUN:  Five.

HELMSMAN:  Five.

SEAMAN:  Five.

ENSIGN:  Four.

BOSUN:  Four.

HELMSMAN:  Four.

SEAMAN:  Four.

BOSUN:  Three.

HELMSMAN:  Three.

SEAMAN:  Three.

HELMSMAN:  Two.

SEAMAN:  Two. One.

(Lights up.)

ENSIGN:  ¡Ping!

COMMANDER:  What?

ENSIGN:  Something.

COMMANDER:  What?

CAPTAIN:  Ensign explicate.

ENSIGN:  I... I... scanning... scanning...

COMMANDER:  What?  Something?  What?

CAPTAIN:  A ghost?  A glitch?

ENSIGN:  Gone.

SEAMAN:  Go then, Commander-Man, your switch.  Punch the button, bastard.

CAPTAIN:  Belay below.  Avast bastion blasts awhile awaiting a future--

ENSIGN: ¡¡Ping!!

COMMANDER:  Again?

CAPTAIN:  Ensign extrapolate.

ENSIGN:  Close.  Closing closer.

COMMANDER:  Captain?
CAPTAIN:  Aye.

COMMANDER:  Shall I?

SEAMAN:  Aye, knew you eyed three key live/kill.  Use or lose.

CAPTAIN:  Hold fire. Helmsman, do die for your New You depth invasion evasion.

HELMSMAN:  Aye, aye, I do die for declination dot mark dash dot dash mark dash.

CAPTAIN:  Seaman, a head engine's awful.

SEAMAN:  Rot sure negative, Captain.  Fear/desire drive died dry of new U launch lust lost and found foundering.

CAPTAIN:  Silence.  All hands and semenful silence.

(Silence.)

ENSIGN:  ¡¡¡¡¡¡¡Peeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeyingyangyangyangyingyingyingyangyangyingyang!!!!!!!

CAPTAIN:  Lieutenant, tend the Ensign.  Bosun, man the scanner.

LIEUTENANT:  I eye, consummation containment crypt cracked.

BOSUN:  Breach leaking New U blue-black.

LIEUTENANT:  Imminent wave array decay.

COMMANDER:  Recommendation.

LIEUTENANT:  You knew New You's posited position predicates primary protocol.

SEAMAN:  I aye.  Kill/die.

ENSIGN:  Oh!

CAPTAIN:  Ensign, report.

ENSIGN:  Oh come!

CAPTAIN:  Ensign, repeat.

ENSIGN:  Oh come!  Oh come!

BOSUN:  Captain, I eye sounds bounding, but something--

COMMANDER:  Something else?

BOSUN:  Something other.  An indistinguishable, inextinguishable echo goes over the whole hollow hull.

ENSIGN:  Awe comes!

HELMSMAN:  Captain. I eye dying drift dive decline climbing to asymptote of total imp lotion. Shall I continue to die for

you? To dive, perchance to--

BOSUN:  Blow the whole hallowed held hull.

CAPTAIN:  Hold held course coordinates: invasion evasion.

SEAMAN:  Who knew you New You to fool?  Where do you New You to go?

CAPTAIN:  No one.  Nowhere.  Need to know only.  Nothing knows again new again now, all hands and semen, knew you of New

You to live/let live another daze of all days to fight another night of all lights.

SEAMAN:  Live/let live's long gone.  On or on or on and on.

LIEUTENANT:  Knew you New You, when nothing's something sees through Schrodinger's cat can, all's over and out with an

ever-rending boom through the Chinese Room.

ENSIGN:  Awk'em!  Chink the Chink Clink!  Awk'em!  Awk'em!

CAPTAIN:  Knew you, damn you, to extricate, Ensign, and excogitate escape from stated state.

ENSIGN:  Aye I one woe wallowing whale's wail waking mermen and maidens mating making oracling orcas cause calls across all

of us: "Awe comes occaming all ye fate-fools of faded faithfulishness.  Be not be afraid/brave I eye-tide in/out tidings of

great joyfoolish noise.”

BOSUN:  Behold low hell hellos!

ENSIGN:  Aye!

BOSUN:  Pain pang pings pound!

LIEUTENANT:  Chink the Chink Clink!

SEAMAN:  Blast a bastard button, pusher!  On or on or on and on!

COMMANDER:  I eye I catch as cat can can't!

HELMSMAN:  New You course closing on imminent infinite atmospheres asymptote!

CAPTAIN:  I eye from one breach breaking wave good-bye.

ENSIGN:  Occam's rays--

BOSUN:  Heard me.

ENSIGN:  Occam's rays--

LIEUTENANT:  Hurt me!

COMMANDER QUARK:  There's something--

CAPTAIN QUASAR:  --nothing but a little--

SEAMAN MESON:  --push would scuttle but a little--

COMMANDER QUARK:  --blasting bastion of--

BOSUN BOSON:  --sounds truly--

CAPTAIN QUASAR:  --human in--

HELMSMAN HADRON:  --and doubt of all--

LIEUTENANT LEPTON:  --this--

SEAMAN MESON:  --that--

COMMANDER QUARK:  --never was--

CAPTAIN QUASAR:  --always will--

HELMSMAN HADRON:  --not stroke--

BOSUN BOSON:  --one when we're--

ENSIGN NEUTRINO:  --Occam's razored!

(Blackout.
End of “The New You Boat.”)

 

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