It’s my honor to accept this award for Best Original Screenplay for Crimes and Misdemeanors: a boring, flaccid, overwrought drama about, for, and by Upper West Siders. I mean, if I wanted that, I could go to the theatre.
What’s lamer than telling theatre jokes? Well, telling theatre jokes to an audience of film makers, for one.
When I was invited to participate as an “acceptor” for the First Annual 20/20 Awards, I could’ve sworn it was a huge joke. The idea of reevaluating the the Academy Awards twenty years after the fact struck me as an even more absurd than the Academy Awards themselves.
With nearly a years worth of retrospection, I suppose I am glad I was the first presenter of the evening. Had I known how seriously the others would take their role, I would have frozen, possibly peed, knowing the lame litany of campy jokes I had folded in my breast pocket. Instead, blissfully clueless as to what would follow, I naively soldiered on with my lame attempt at channeling Jimmy Kimmel.